I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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