I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
