I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
