Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
