I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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