A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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