kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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