69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
