He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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