You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Bring me that man meat
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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