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capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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