i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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