My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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