I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
