There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The Olympian is in my bed
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
