Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
