The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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