I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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