I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
