I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
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Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
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Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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