the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
