Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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