Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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