If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize