If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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