I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.