very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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