You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.