Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
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My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
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So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.