i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
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It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
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dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table