also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
