he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
