i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
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Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
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I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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