I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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