first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
