i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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