So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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