giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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