I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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