and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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