Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
