you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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