why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
