You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
