got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
