what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
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Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
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Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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