Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
