if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Two words: nipple clamps
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