Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
