Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
