This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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