I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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