yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
