Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
