I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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