You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
