Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We don't watch enough power rangers
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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