My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
