Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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