ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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