For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
