I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize