theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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