O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
