After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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