He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
