WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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