I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
