Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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