Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize