Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I am midnight drunk by noon
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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