I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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