guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
