Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
