We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
