I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
