So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
